Almost 10 days in Cairo and already feel my blood pressure is rising, my skin tired and dull and my head full of nonsense. The anxiety that is second nature to the everyday Egyptian has finally taken its toll on me. 7 years living abroad has certainly changed me and wiped away the tolerance that I used to have to be able to endure every day struggles. The state of the Egyptian person in 2014 is sadly a pessimistic dull one. He/She is stressed by the sum of direct or indirect forces that are all against his/her will on a daily basis.
Day one began with the lack of water to wash my face. The land of the Nile has suddenly fell short of providing water for its citizens. It has also fallen short, as I latter on discovered, of proving many more "things" which a normal person would count as "basic human needs", by this I mean, not just water, but also electricity, comfortable shelter and food that does not carry the possibility of killing you. I was walking in the street today and suddenly a branch of a tree fell on my mother who was walking a few steps behind me (both on the pavement- which is either full of rubbish, broken tiles or advertising boards or signs from various shops) I could not help myself not to say "even the force of nature is objecting to my existence here" I joked.
By day 7 all I was thinking about is to "survive". I need to provide as a mother for my child and suddenly my very existence as a human being has been hit hard by this life that I witness and for so long once called "home". This is no longer home, I thought to myself. It is hell on earth. If my dad is already considering to put bars on the house windows to stop thieves coming and at every opportunity reminds me to be cautious with people, then what kind of life is this? I do not think anyone deserves to live in a prison or feel threatened to such an extent. Neither should one doubt the other for the sake of sheer doubt and being cautious. My anxiety increasing day by day and all I can think of is to keep my son from suffering. My mum jokes "this experience will make him a man". I cannot help but think that this will backfire at any moment and I will end up cutting the trip short and shipping ourselves back home urgently. Why make a 2 years old suffer when there is a life already out there where he does not need to suffer? In whose book is it written that we should suffer and endure such inhumane conditions, neglect and poor services ?
The reality of the situation, from the few gatherings I attended so far and my observation, is that the middle class no longer exists and what is now dominant is the lower classes who dictate the future of the country and the new social norms. This is of course going to be a disaster in my view as someone who values education and rational thinking than believing in nonsense and brain washing the masses for personal gain. The generation of new youths today whom I observed seems to be more stressed than I feel in these past few days. I feel sorry for this generation who became men and women in a society that expects too much of them and pressures them in every way. A man is pressured to provide and make no mistakes as far as the family is concerned, whilst the woman is brainwashed to be almost enslaved by these family norms into a role that leaves no room for her to shine in any way or even for her to feel her own existence. She is entirely responsible for the children and for driving the family forward although the man, who presumably is the driver (as far as people are concerned) takes a back seat and only criticise and make remarks. It is daunting for me to think that one day I was about to make the same mistake of falling into this role. Or even to think that anyone, even if my mother, could have influenced me enough to see myself in such a role or living with such a person. Life to me has always been built on an equal partnership in every way.
Anyway, this is my first rant of the trip and possibly more will follow soon...
